From surviving to thriving..

My attempt at starting my blog last year was a feeble one. As much as I wanted to get my thoughts on virtual paper and type myself back to sanity, my need for sleep and healing continued to prevail over every other desire. But those were good choices and I need to celebrate those, right? Aibel and Eden started sleeping through the night at about 12 months - this milestone I remember more vividly than most of the others. I am so grateful to finally be on the other side of that first year, but those fresh baby scents, all of those "firsts" and sleeps on my chest are greatly missed!

Have you ever ran into a mom of older twins that has offered encouragement by saying "it gets easier?" I would run into those moms, what seemed like ALL of the time, at the grocery store. The moment that they said they were a mom of twins I felt this deep connection with them and I wanted to ditch my groceries, slip into their grocery bag, ride with them home, and sip tea and cry with them. I think it was my pre-eclampsia/post partum/sleep deprivation thinking, but I guess I'll never know. But what I do know now, is how I want to connect with other early twin mommas. I want to be the kind of woman who will cry and have tea with them. Most of the time, the twin mom would almost seem disconnected (or probably just in a hurry) and would shout "it gets easier" as they would walk away swiftly. At that point, all I wanted was to feel the "easier." I was tired of hearing about that future time. I was sheer exhaustion in walking form. The pre-eclampsia caused my liver and kidneys to fail 90% shortly before the doctors took Aibel and Eden by semi-emergent cesarean. It took my body 9 months to recover from our near-death experience. I woudn't remember it when I needed to, but I was blessed to have made it through that and to experience the joy of even holding my little girls.

There was a time where I almost felt robbed of the ability to truly enjoy this experience to its fullest. I would look at a mom who shared their 'natural' delivery experience and their one-baby-at-a-time experience and almost scoff. I knew I was blessed, but the unclear thinking was overpowering what I knew to be the truth. The truth is: that there are thousands of women who dream about having even 1 child. There are women who have lost their precious children. There are women who pay big money for fertility and other means of getting pregnant. Children are a gift from God. He felt the desire to bless me with two of these precious gifts. It was an absolute honor and if I'm perfectly honest with myself, sometimes felt like it was a curse. I was blessed and I knew it, but I didn't feel it. Knowing and feeling are two completely different things, aren't they? Today, the more sleep I get, the clearer I'm able to see my situation for what it really is: A very high calling. A mother to two little girls that will grow into women and impact others lives, possibly having families of their own. A crucial role in their relationship with their Creator. May we never forget how truly blessed we are in our day-to-today jobs.. butt-changing, double-bathing, lunch-packing, sleep-losing tasks. We were all chosen to be trusted and blessed with two miracles in one - what an honor!